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Featured videos, users choice. Featured Top rated Recent videos Most viewed Most favorited. Last Videos Most Popular. Safewords are words or phrases that are called out when things are either not going as planned or have crossed a threshold one cannot handle.

They are something both parties can remember and recognize and are, by definition, not words commonly used playfully during any kind of scene. Words such as no , stop , and don't , are often inappropriate as a safeword if the roleplaying aspect includes the illusion of non-consent.

The most commonly used safewords are red and yellow , with red meaning that play must stop immediately, and yellow meaning that the activity needs to slow down.

BDSM participants are expected to understand practical safety aspects. For instance, they are expected to recognize that parts of the body can be damaged, such as nerves and blood vessels by contusion , or that skin that can be scarred.

Using crops, whips, or floggers , the top's fine motor skills and anatomical knowledge can make the difference between a satisfying session for the bottom and a highly unpleasant experience that may even entail severe physical harm.

It is necessary to be able to identify each person's psychological " squicks " or triggers in advance to avoid them. Such losses of emotional balance due to sensory or emotional overload are a fairly commonly discussed issue.

It is important to follow participants' reactions empathetically and continue or stop accordingly. Safewords are one way for BDSM practices to protect both parties.

However, partners should be aware of each other's psychological states and behaviors to prevent instances where the "freakouts" prevent the use of safewords.

After any BDSM activities, it is important that the participants go through sexual aftercare, to process and calm down from the activity.

After the sessions, participants can need aftercare because their bodies have experienced trauma and they need to mentally come out of the role play.

At one end of the spectrum are those who are indifferent to, or even reject physical stimulation. At the other end of the spectrum are bottoms who enjoy discipline and erotic humiliation but are not willing to be subordinate to the person who applies it.

The bottom is frequently the partner who specifies the basic conditions of the session and gives instructions, directly or indirectly, in the negotiation, while the top often respects this guidance.

Other bottoms, often called "brats", try to incur punishment from their tops by provoking them or "misbehaving". Nevertheless, a purist "school" exists within the BDSM community, which regards such "topping from the bottom" as rude or even incompatible with the standards of BDSM relations.

BDSM practitioners sometimes regard the practice of BDSM in their sex life as roleplaying and so often use the terms play and playing to describe activities where in their roles.

Play of this sort for a specified period of time is often called a session , and the contents and the circumstances of play are often referred to as the scene.

It is also common in personal relationships to use the term kink play for BDSM activities, or more specific terms for the type of activity.

The relationships can be of varied types. Early writings on BDSM both by the academic and BDSM community spoke little of long-term relationships with some in the gay leather community suggesting short-term play relationships to be the only feasible relationship models, and recommending people to get married and "play" with BDSM outside of marriage.

In recent times though writers of BDSM and sites for BDSM have been more focused on long-term relationships. A study, the first to look at these relationships, fully demonstrated that "quality long-term functioning relationships" exist among practitioners of BDSM, with either sex being the top or bottom the study was based on 17 heterosexual couples.

Amongst the respondents, it was typically the bottoms who wanted to play harder, and be more restricted into their roles when there was a difference in desire to play in the relationship.

Many of those engaged in long-term BDSM relationships learned their skills from larger BDSM organizations and communities. The respondents valued themselves, their partners, and their relationships.

All couples expressed considerable goodwill toward their partners. The power exchange between the cohorts appears to be serving purposes beyond any sexual satisfaction, including experiencing a sense of being taken care of and bonding with a partner.

A professional dominatrix or professional dominant , often referred to within the culture as a pro-dom me , offers services encompassing the range of bondage, discipline, and dominance in exchange for money.

The term dominatrix is little-used within the non-professional BDSM scene. A non-professional dominant woman is more commonly referred to simply as a domme , dominant , or femdom short for female dominance.

Professional submissives "pro-subs" , although far more rare, do exist. Most of the people who work as subs normally have tendencies towards such activities, especially when sadomasochism is involved.

However, it is much rarer to find a male in this profession. In BDSM, a "scene" is the stage or setting where BDSM activity takes place, as well as the activity itself.

A BDSM activity can, but need not, involve sexual activity or sexual roleplay. A characteristic of many BDSM relationships is the power exchange from the bottom to the dominant partner, and bondage features prominently in BDSM scenes and sexual roleplay.

Thus someone who is on "the Scene", and prepared to play in public, might take part in "a scene" at a public play party.

BDSM elements may involve settings of slave training or punishment for breaches of instructions. A scene can also take place in a club, where the play can be viewed by others.

When a scene takes place in a public setting, it may be because the participants enjoy being watched by others, or because of the equipment available, or because having third parties present adds safety for play partners who have only recently met.

Most standard social etiquette rules still apply when at a BDSM event, such as not intimately touching someone you do not know, not touching someone else's belongings including toys , and abiding by dress codes.

A specific scene takes place within the general conventions and etiquette of BDSM, such as requirements for mutual consent and agreement as to the limits of any BDSM activity.

This agreement can be incorporated into a formal contract. In addition, most clubs have additional rules which regulate how onlookers may interact with the actual participants in a scene.

BDSM play parties are events in which BDSM practitioners and other similarly interested people meet in order to communicate, share experiences and knowledge, and to "play" in an erotic atmosphere.

The requirement for such dress codes differ. While some events have none, others have a policy in order to create a more coherent atmosphere and to prevent outsiders from taking part.

At these parties, BDSM can be publicly performed on a stage, or more privately in separate "dungeons". Slings, St. Andrew's crosses or similar restraining constructs , spanking benches, and punishing supports or cages are often made available.

The problem of noise disturbance is also lessened at these events, while in the home setting many BDSM activities can be limited by this factor.

In addition, such parties offer both exhibitionists and voyeurs a forum to indulge their inclinations without social criticism.

Sexual intercourse is not permitted within most public BDSM play spaces or not often seen in others, because it is not the emphasis of this kind of play.

In order to ensure the maximum safety and comfort for the participants, certain standards of behavior have evolved; these include aspects of courtesy , privacy , respect and safewords.

This scene appears particularly on the Internet, in publications, and in meetings such as at fetish clubs like Torture Garden , SM parties, gatherings called munches , and erotic fairs like Venus Berlin.

The annual Folsom Street Fair held in San Francisco is the world's largest BDSM event. The weekend-long festivities include a wide range of sadomasochistic erotica in a public clothing optional space between 8th and 13th streets with nightly parties associated with the organization.

There are also conventions such as Living in Leather and Black Rose. Freud and others have assumed that a preference for BDSM is a consequence of childhood abuse.

There is also a link between transgender individuals who have been abused and violence occurring in BDSM activities.

For some submissives, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape: from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt.

For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood.

They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure see: Servitude BDSM. A dominant, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, and a sadist may receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist.

It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.

It's a problem only if it is getting that individual into difficulties, if he or she is not happy with it, or it's causing problems in their personal or professional lives.

If it's not, I'm not seeing that as a problem. But assuming that it did, what I would wonder about is what is his or her biology that would cause a tendency toward a problem, and dynamically, what were the experiences this individual had that led him or her toward one of the ends of the spectrum.

Some psychologists agree that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life.

Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood.

The prevalence of sadomasochism within the general population is unknown. Despite female sadists being less visible than males, some surveys have resulted in comparable amounts of sadistic fantasies between females and males.

Following a phenomenological study of nine individuals involved in sexual masochistic sessions who regarded pain as central to their experience, [81] sexual masochism was described as an addiction-like tendency, with several features resembling that of drug addiction: craving, intoxication, tolerance and withdrawal.

It was also demonstrated how the first masochistic experience is placed on a pedestal, with subsequent use aiming at retrieving this lost sensation, much as described in the descriptive literature on addiction.

The addictive pattern presented in this study suggests an association with behavioral spin as found in problem gamblers.

BDSM is practiced in all social strata and is common in both heterosexual and homosexual men and women in varied occurrences and intensities. Andrew's crosses at large events such as the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.

Estimation on the overall percentage of BDSM related sexual behaviour vary, but it is no longer [ when?

A representative study done from to in Australia found that 1. Of the entire sample, 1. BDSM activity was significantly more likely among bisexuals and homosexuals of both sexes.

But among men in general, there was no relationship effect of age, education, language spoken at home or relationship status. Among women, in this study, activity was most common for those between 16 and 19 years of age and least likely for females over 50 years.

Activity was also significantly more likely for women who had a regular partner they did not live with, but was not significantly related with speaking a language other than English or education.

Thus both black leather clothing, sexual jewelry such as chains and dominance roleplay appear increasingly outside of BDSM contexts.

Reflecting changes in social norms , modern medical opinion is now moving away from regarding BDSM activities as medical disorders, unless they are nonconsensual or involve significant distress or harm.

In the past, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM , the American Psychiatric Association 's manual, defined some BDSM activities as sexual disorders.

The World Health Organization 's International Classification of Diseases ICD has made similar moves in recent years. Section F65 of the current revision, ICD , indicates that "mild degrees of sadomasochistic stimulation are commonly used to enhance otherwise normal sexual activity".

The diagnostic guidelines for the ICD state that this class of diagnosis should only be made "if sadomasochistic activity is the most important source of stimulation or necessary for sexual gratification".

In Europe, an organization called ReviseF65 has worked to remove sadomasochism from the ICD. This was followed by Sweden in , Norway in and Finland The population with related fantasies is believed to be even larger.

The ICD is in the process of revision, and recent drafts have reflected these changes in social norms. According to the WHO ICD Working Group on Sexual Disorders and Sexual Health, stigmatization and discrimination of fetish- and BDSM individuals are inconsistent with human rights principles endorsed by the United Nations and the World Health Organization.

The final advance text is to be officially presented to the members of the WHO in , ready to come into effect in Some people who feel attracted by the situations usually compiled under the term BDSM reach a point where they decide to come out of the closet , though many sadomasochists keep themselves closeted.

Even so, depending upon a survey's participants, about 5 to 25 percent of the US population show affinity to the subject. Public knowledge of one's BDSM lifestyle can have devastating vocational and social effects for sadomasochists.

Many face severe professional consequences [] or social rejection if they are exposed, either voluntarily or involuntarily, as sadomasochists.

Within feminist circles, the discussion has been split roughly into two camps: some who see BDSM as an aspect or reflection of oppression for example, Alice Schwarzer and, on the other side, pro-BDSM feminists, often grouped under the banner of sex-positive feminism see Samois ; both of them can be traced back to the s.

Some feminists have criticized BDSM for eroticizing power and violence, and for reinforcing misogyny. They argue that women who engage in BDSM are making a choice that is ultimately bad for women.

They also state that the main point of feminism is to give an individual woman free choices in her life; which includes her sexual desire.

While some feminists suggest connections between consensual BDSM scenes and non-consensual rape and sexual assault , other sex-positive ones find the notion insulting to women.

It is often mentioned that in BDSM, roles are not fixed to gender , but personal preferences. Finally, some people switch , taking either a dominant or submissive role on different occasions.

Several studies investigating the possibility of a correlation between BDSM pornography and the violence against women also indicate a lack of correlation.

As an example, Japan is listed as the country with the lowest sexual crime rate out of all the industrialized nations, despite being known for its distinct BDSM and bondage pornography see Pornography in Japan.

Operation Spanner in the U. In , the media coverage of Jack McGeorge showed that simply participating and working in BDSM support groups poses risks to one's job, even in countries where no law restricts it.

Nevertheless, it leads to a difficult psychological situation in which the person concerned can be exposed to high levels of emotional stress. In the stages of "self-awareness", he or she realizes their desires related to BDSM scenarios or decides to be open for such.

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